i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
