So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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