Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
