we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
