yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
