What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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