You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
