I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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