Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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