This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
