Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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