Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
