Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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