go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
