UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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