I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
