marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Porn is love you can see.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
