Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
