is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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