Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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