dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
