And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
