I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
