here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
