"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
