he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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