I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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