I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
