i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Couch. On fire.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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