look no pants
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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