They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
