i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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