My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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