Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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