my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
