I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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