My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
