im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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