I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
