I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
