So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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