Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
