the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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