Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
