Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
