Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
