guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
