he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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