The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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