so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
