I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
