How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
