he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
