looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
