I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
