I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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