i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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