Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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