So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
