if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
