Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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