im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
