the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
