all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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