Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
