I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are we still banned from the library?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
