Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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