I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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