I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
