yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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