It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
