3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
