FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
