The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
