it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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