____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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