Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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