It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
